Human 101
by Charbonne
Summary: Keith is getting a crash course about humans. All Paladins are on deck to help out. A series of one-shots in the Bloodlines series.
1. Space Flu

Hello! This is a continuation of Culture Shock. Well, this is more a series of one-shots detailing Keith trying to learn about humanity and the results. If you haven't read it, some of this might not make sense.

 _ **Space Flu**_

 _Keith gets sick. Of course he's convinced he's dying. Everyone else just says it's only the flu._

* * *

Keith tossed and turned, sweat clinging to his body and his body on fire. Fluids leaked out of his nose and eyes, his head ached with unyielding pressure, and he could hardly breathe without a wracking cough echoing though his room. He shivered with cold and felt like his limbs had been dipped in lead. In effect, he felt like he was dying. Coran had tried to diagnose what was slowly killing Keith with little success, and had advised all the other Paladins that Keith was highly contagious with a violent disease that could take them all with little difficulty.

So when he opened his eyes and peered from his nest of blankets, he was surprised to find Hunk carrying what looked like a pot and ladle, a bowl, and a spoon.

"All right Keith, sit up, chow time!" Hunk settled himself in a chair he'd pulled over from the desk and opened the pot up, ladling the odd substance into the bowl and holding it out. "Now, I know that this probably tastes nothing like what you're used to, but it's the best I can do to make chicken noodle soup. Eat up, you need it."

Keith pulled himself sluggishly up from his prone position, wrapping himself firmly in his blanket as he eyed the bowl with apprehension. "What's a chicken?"

Hunk rubbed the back of his head as he laughed sheepishly. "Oh right, I forgot that you wouldn't know what one is. Um, well, it's a kind of bird on Earth that lays really tasty eggs and we raise for food."

"So why are you giving me soup made from it?" Keith took the bowl and frowned into it, picking up the spoon and stirring the contents carefully. He couldn't be too careful. After all, he'd seen some weird things that the Alteans ate and he figured the humans had even odder palettes.

"Well, it's not really made from chickens. We'd have to go all the way back to Earth to get one." Hunk sighed, and Keith got the impression that the larger human was disappointed. "But, this is probably the closest we can get and what with you having the flu and all…"

Keith blinked and stared. "The flu?"

Hunk nodded. "Well yeah. I wouldn't think that Allura or Coran would know what one was. They're probably immune or something since they're not human. But you have every symptom I can think of, so I'm just going to take a stab in the dark and assume that's what this is."

Keith continued to look at the bowl doubtfully. "So why the soup?"

Hunk grinned. "Oh, that's an easy one. My grandma makes the best chicken soup, and she always said it was the best thing for being sick. Usually makes you feel better when you feel miserable. Thus why it's soup since it warms you up and is easy for sick people to eat."

Keith prodded the soup now, a frown pulling at his features. He couldn't smell it, considering the state of his nose and how stuffed his head felt. It did look passably edible unlike some of what the Alteans tended to eat. He'd never thought that green goo could look less appetizing, but somehow they'd managed. "So this is safe to eat?"

Hunk nodded. "Perfectly safe. I had to forage a bit to get the veggies, and the noodles I had to figure out on my own, and maybe the bird too, but I made sure everything there was edible before I made it. Figured that if you're the first one out of everyone to catch the flu, then everyone else was going to catch it too. It's just a matter of time before that happens."

Keith chewed on the inside of his cheek before he dipped his spoon into the bowl to have a bite. The moment it passed his lips, he realized it actually did taste good, and Keith ended up emptying the bowl faster than he thought he would. When he finished, he handed the bowl and spoon back before leaning back. "How do humans deal with this? It feels like I'm dying."

"Well, kinda like how you are now." Hunk shrugged as he placed the bowl onto the desk next to the pot. "I know I sleep a lot when I'm sick, and Lance turns into the biggest baby."

Keith's lips turned up into a small smile as he imagined Lance being as weak and helpless as a newborn kit. Lance didn't have claws, but otherwise he could see it. "Last time I was sick, I lost all my fur. This doesn't feel the same."

"Wait, you had fur before?" Hunk blinked then looked Keith over. "You were sick recently, weren't you?"

"My mane." Keith gestured to the top of his head. "The fur there. I'm not- I never had a full coat before."

Hunk just blinked and tried to process this, while Keith just sat and watched. The human must have had some sort of epiphany, because he straightened up and gestured to Keith. "Okay, so um, what are the differences between a Galra and a human, anyway? I just realized it'd be bad if you got hurt and something went wrong while we treated you."

"Uh…" Keith wasn't sure. Until recently, he'd never had a human to compare himself to, and hadn't thought about the biological differences between them both. Shivering, he pulled the blankets close to him in an attempt to stay warm while he considered it. "Um, well, I guess the first is that humans don't have fur. No offense, but humans look really naked."

Hunk snickered and pointed toward Keith. "Hate to break this to you buddy, but you're just as naked as the rest of us."

Keith looked at his own arm. "Yeah, I guess I am." He then shifted awkwardly as he coughed into his blankets. "Um, well, I guess one of the other things is that I can't see in the dark as well as a full Galra."

"Wait, you can see in the dark?"

"Um, yeah, but it's not that great." Hunk suddenly stood and went to the control panel of his room. "…What are you doing?"

Hunk pushed a button, and the lights went out. Keith frowned and narrowed his eyes at Hunk's form, who had turned back to him with a searching look. "Okay, wow, I can't see now. I'm just testing to see how well you see."

"Only in black and white?" He glanced around, looking over paneling and everything before looking back to the larger human. "It's not as great as a normal Galra. They can see in full color in the dark."

"Holy crap, that's creepy!" Keith looked over to Hunk, and had to wince when the human turned the lights back on suddenly. The throbbing in his head increased, and Keith groaned. "Oh wow, um, sorry! But wow, man, your eyes were glowing there for a second."

"Yours don't." Keith pointed out. "I've never seen eyes that don't glow in the dark." Maybe his father's hadn't either. Keith didn't remember that much about his father to know for sure.

"Nope, they don't. It's just, that was really weird. It kind of looked like a cat."

Keith blinked. "Um, what's a cat?"

Hunk sat back down, his eyes focused at some point above his head while it appeared that he was thinking. "Well, they're small and furry. Like, um," he made a gesture to demonstrate some size, "that big, and they have eyes that can see better in the dark than a human can. They're actually kind of cute."

Keith however was frowning. "Wait, did you just say I reminded you of a kind of animal?"

"In a good way!" Hunk raised his arms defensively. "They're the closest I can think of to what your eyes looked like. They glow too."

Keith sat back and considered that. "Okay, so like a cat." He then looked himself over, trying to think about the differences he had noticed about Galra that maybe he shared with them. "Well, Galra have a third eyelid for dealing with sandstorms. I have one too, it's just useless though since it doesn't cover my whole eye."

Hunk frowned. "Third eyelid? That's weird. Okay, so what el-wait, is that why Galra always seem to have yellow eyes?"

Keith rolled his eyes. "No, that's something else I think. It's clear."

"Okay then." Hunk looked a bit embarrassed, which caused Keith to smile slightly. "So what else?"

Keith has to pause. He's not sure because he's never had to evaluate himself before. Fighting in the arena was all he learned how to do, that and the basics every Galran learned. They never trusted him enough to learn more than they were willing to teach him.

Hunk must have sensed this as well and winced. "I just realized you probably don't know much beyond just the outside stuff. Sorry."

Keith snickered, then covered his mouth as a cough wracked his body. "No, it's fine. I'd be pretty curious too if I didn't already do some comparing between myself and the others." He then glanced toward Hunk. "Please tell me that this flu doesn't take long to get over."

Hunk shrugged. "Well, how long does that going bald disease take?"

"One, it's called telkor tox, and two, about 10 days, give or take. You only get it once though." Keith recalled when he got it. A kit disease, he'd gotten it when he was fifteen, and had to spend some time away from the arena before he was well again. "I got it when I was fifteen."

Hunk considered Keith's answer then. "Well, that's about the same amount of time for the flu. I'm just hoping that we don't have to form Voltron before you get over it."

* * *

It was around day two of the 'flu' as Hunk called it that he got another visitor besides Hunk. Shiro peeked into the room and Keith hissed at the intrusion of light into the small space. Shiro blinked and shut the door, and glanced around the dimly-lit room before glancing at the blanket pile Keith was in. He then settled into the only chair available in the room and looked over the Red Paladin. "So, you've got the flu, huh?"

"I'm dying." Keith's voice was a croak, mostly from coughing and hacking up mucus. He swore he'd never produced that much in his entire life.

"Oh, come on, it can't be that bad." Keith had buried his head underneath his blankets and Shiro pulled them back, exposing bleary violet eyes half-covered by a third eyelid. Shiro blinked. "Oh, so that's what Hunk was talking about."

Keith made a weak grab for the blanket before giving up, his arms flopping and glaring at the intruder. "How can humans deal with this? I feel like I got pummeled in the arena."

Shiro shrugged. "It'll pass just as long as you're taking care of yourself. Not much we can do out in space for it." He then crossed his arms. "Coran was asking if he could check up on you. We've got him convinced that we could deal with it and Pidge suggested that their alien physiology might react badly to an unknown sickness." Shiro's mouth quirked upward. "Now he's busy trying to sterilize the entire castle."

"I bet you've had this before. You probably don't have to worry about getting sick." Keith tried to manage a glare in Shiro's direction, but he got the impression it was lackluster at best.

"Actually I probably haven't. I haven't been back on Earth long enough to catch the latest version, and the last time I got my shots for it was back at the Garrison." Shiro shrugged, but Keith gaped.

"Wait, you mean you catch this thing _regularly?_ Is your planet trying to kill you or something?"

Keith had sat up, and stared at Shiro with wide eyes. The effect was probably made more pitiful by the fact that his third eyelid was casting everything in a weird glaze, and Shiro chuckled. "The flu keeps evolving, and well, best we can do is try and get over it. Though honestly any planet is trying to kill its inhabitants, I think."

Keith had to concede that point. He'd heard stories about Gal, and how dangerous of a planet it was. There was a reason he had never been taken there, and it had more to do with his fragile skin with no fur to protect it from the sand and sun. The local wildlife was another story however.

Shiro must have been reading his mind, because he regarded Keith with a quirked eyebrow. "Humans aren't as weak as you thought, huh?"

"Well, if they were anything like you, I could take a few guesses." Keith had to admit, after seeing the others fight, they showed promise. Only problem was trying to get them to work as a team. Even Keith was having to adjust, as he'd always fought solo in the arena much like Shiro. "Please tell me Coran isn't trying to feed me his paladin recipe. It smells like death."

"He hasn't tried yet, since Hunk persuaded him that his chicken soup's better for it. Pretty sure that once you're back up and around, he'll have it whipped up." There was a chuckle in Shiro's voice and Keith's mouth turned up in a smile. "So mind the company right now or should I just get going so you can sleep?"

"You're going to catch this flu thing if you do." Keith cocked his eyebrow, aware that he was probably contagious and, as Shiro stated, Shiro hadn't had the disease in a while.

"I've caught worse." Keith stared at Shiro, unsure if the older man was kidding. Shiro simply shrugged.

Keith ended up flopping back down and scowling. "Well, if that's what you want. Don't blame me if you're dying in the next week."

* * *

True to Keith's prediction, Shiro did in fact end up sick a few days later. Coran ended up enlisting every able body to clean the castle from top to bottom. Keith, recovering from his own bout of illness, simply gave Shiro a smug smile that clearly said _I told you so._


	2. Gender Confusion

_**Gender Confusion**_

 _In which Pidge comes out as a girl, she and Keith bond, and Lance is mistaken for one._

* * *

Keith couldn't figure out for sure what Pidge was. He (she? they?) seemed to be intent on disguising their sex for some reason, and Keith wasn't sure if it was a human thing or what. For everyone else, it seemed obvious that they were male. Pidge was, well, Pidge was a mystery, one that Keith was trying to figure out.

Of course, the other Paladins referred to Pidge as a boy, but he'd never seen really any proof that Pidge was one. He knew that male humans had facial fur (he'd seen Hunk shave a few times, Shiro plenty of times while imprisoned, and Lance never, huh, maybe Lance wasn't male either), their body shapes were more tapered, and their voices were generally pitched lower. Keith himself had those three in common with the other human males (except Lance, and Keith wondered if there wasn't a third sex involved with humans), so the idea that Pidge wasn't male wasn't that far out there.

Only, maybe Pidge was a young boy? Keith had never had a real opportunity to look at himself in the mirror often, and he'd heard plenty of jokes from the other Galra when he started sprouting facial fur. He didn't think so. Pidge didn't quite smell right. So it was with a lot of confusion that Keith observed his fellow Paladin and kept his mouth shut.

He hardly was one to judge about alien physiology (his own was confusing enough for the humans to figure out, and so far he'd studiously avoided the healing pods). He'd heard about other races who were asexual, and then there were those that he'd seen where their species had five different sexes. He'd heard of one species that had nineteen different sexes, and the idea was mind-boggling at best. His mother had calmly explained (with a bit of a twinkle in her eyes) that humans were no such species, that they had two distinct sexes with a very rare in-between sex. Much like the Galra, they were dimorphic, so it stood to reason that while he'd never seen a female, they did exist.

This was why when Pidge had decided to announce that they couldn't 'man up' like the rest (what the heck did man up even mean anyway?), Keith suddenly looked at Pidge in confusion until they stated they were a girl.

He ignored Lance's squawk of confusion and noticed that others, including Coran and Allura, were nodding as they, too, had figured it out. "Well, it makes sense why I was confused."

Lance turned to look at Keith, staring at him like he'd suddenly sprouted purple fur. "Well, he-um, she?" At Pidge's nod, Keith continued. "She didn't really _look_ like a guy. I just hadn't thought much about it other than maybe she liked being a boy or something."

Pidge snorted. "Well, no doubt that guy's clothes are comfortable, but I did it to sneak into the Garrison. No one was telling me anything about what happened to my family, so I figured I could break in and find out myself."

"But as a boy?" Lance shook his head, disbelieving. "I mean, there are plenty of girl cadets too. Why didn't you just join as a girl?"

"Um, because I tried it as a girl, they caught me, and kicked me off the base?" Pidge shrugged. "After that, the course seemed pretty logical to me."

"So there's no third gender with your race? That part was what was throwing me off." When everyone stared at him, Keith shrugged. "I've never had humans around that could tell me otherwise. Everyone else I knew were far from human."

That seemed to shock the humans from their gaping, as they suddenly reminded themselves that Keith wasn't quite human himself. Hunk was the first to clear his throat, cupping the back of his head sheepishly. "Well, there's two biological sexes, yeah, but um, genders are pretty diverse on Earth. I think my dad once said he needed to have a guide to all the genders so he didn't accidentally offend someone or something like that."

Pidge nodded. "Well, I knew a girl that didn't like the fact that she was male at birth, and she was able to talk to her parents about being a girl instead. They were really cool about it too, but not everyone likes the idea so it's a touchy subject to bring up." She then adjusted her glasses and looked at Keith. "Wait, you thought I was some kind of third sex?"

"You make a pretty bad male, if that's what you're asking." Coran added, his eyebrow quirking in amusement. "I just figured you liked being referred to with male pronouns."

Keith nodded, deciding to leave the topic of Pidge's scent alone for the time being. "I've seen four human guys before, and all of them don't look quite like you. I mean, you don't even shave any facial fur off. That's kind of a dead giveaway."

Lance snorted. "Oh my god, that's not fur, that's called a beard. Humans don't have fur."

Keith smirked a bit. "You don't have facial fur either Lance."

That caused the Blue Paladin to sputter. "Wha-of course I have a beard! It just grows slowly and I don't have to shave that often!" He then pointed toward Keith. "I bet yours doesn't grow much either!"

"Here they go again." Pidge rolled her eyes, settling back into the couch as she got comfortable while watching the verbal spat. "You know, you two fight worse than an old married couple."

Both Keith and Lance sputtered, but Lance was the first to recover. "We are not a married couple! Why would I even be attracted to a guy with a mullet anyway?"

"What's a mullet?"

Shiro just raised an arm to cut off Lance's reply. "Okay, so just to recap, Pidge is a girl, Keith has officially met a female of the human race, and there's nothing else anyone's hiding from everyone." Keith felt reluctant to say anything else, and only Hunk gave him a knowing look. Everyone else was too busy nodding with Shiro's assessment. "Okay, I guess that's settled then. Allura, when are we heading out to take care of the Balmera?"

"We should be heading out soon, so I suggest you spend the time getting some more training in or relaxing." Allura nodded, and Keith sighed silently in relief. "Either way, prepare yourselves Paladins."

As they were dismissed to go about their business, Keith just frowned and looked over at Lance. "Okay, seriously, what's a mullet?"

* * *

Keith sat back in the lounge area, examining his blade and cleaning it carefully. They'd just gotten back from the trip to the Balmera and he'd been glad that Coran or Allura hadn't seen him using that control panel. As it was, he knew that the moment that had happened, his secret would have been out and there wouldn't have been much he could say about it. Somehow he doubted saying _Sorry my mom decided to bond with a human and I was the result_ wasn't going to win him any favors with the Alteans.

Holding the blade up for inspection, he ran a finger lightly along the edge, testing its sharpness, when he felt someone plop down next to him. Startled, he snatched his finger away and glanced toward the person that took a seat. Pidge was examining the blade he was working on, a frown creasing her forehead as she reached out a finger to touch the flat. Keith resisted the urge to jerk it away, aware that it was sharp enough to do some damage unintentionally.

"Where'd you get that? I know I saw it when you broke Shiro out, but I hadn't seen it since then."

Keith looked over his blade, thankful that both he and Pidge were alone at the moment, though it could easily change. After all, the lounge was where everyone tended to congregate. "I um, I got it from my mom."

"Really? I wouldn't have thought that the Galra would have let slaves keep something like that." Curiosity colored Pidge's words and he held it out a bit for Pidge to examine.

"I was. It was a privilege since I'm part Galra." The only one, he thought. He'd never seen any other people of mixed parentage, though he was well aware he couldn't have been the first. He shifted the blade so it was parallel with his arm and concentrated. Glowing, it lengthened into its sword form and Keith held it out for Pidge to take. "It's the only thing I have left of her, so I try to keep it in good condition."

Pidge took the blade and blinked in surprise as it shrank down to its original size. She then looked toward him with a slightly sorrowful look on her face. "I understand that. I mean, I have a picture of me and Matt from when he was last on Earth, and I don't want to lose it either."

She shifted a bit, and Keith realized that Pidge had to have it rough. Keith knew that both of his parents were dead, and Pidge had missing relatives that she didn't know about whether they were alive or dead. "Sorry I don't know where they could be or anything. I never saw any humans besides Shiro while I was there."

"It's okay." Pidge handed him back his blade and drew her legs up to wrap her arms around her knees. "What happened to your parents, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Dead." Keith shook his head at Pidge's horrified expression. "My dad died when we got caught after leaving Earth, and my mom…" He shook his head again, banishing the thought that crossed his mind about how she had died. "She went to the gladiator pits and never came back."

Pidge chewed her bottom lip, her expression a mix of thoughtful and remorseful. "What about you? What happened to you when you were with them?"

"I was in a mining camp for a bit with my mom before the pits, and when she was taken, we were both transferred to one of their entertainment stations." Keith looked down at the blade in his hand and tried to shove the images of his own time in the pits out of his mind. "They took her, and then decided to take me when I was old enough."

Pidge winced. "That's why Shiro said you'd met before. He didn't say much, only that you were one of the few people there he could trust."

"Slaves tend to look out for each other." Keith shrugged, figuring it was a fact of life. "There were very few Galra slaves, but even they treated everyone of lesser blood like shit. Everyone else just stuck together."

"Even you?"

Keith shook his head. "I was too Galra for everyone else, and the other Galra looked down on me. There were plenty of people that thought they could get better treatment by killing me." He narrowed his eyes. "I was just better than them at it."

Pidge made a strangled noise, and Keith looked over to see her staring at him with wide eyes. "You've killed people before?"

"Yeah?" Keith wasn't sure why Pidge was staring at him like that, so he frowned at her. "Victory or death. That's the way the universe works. Everyone knows that."

"You never fought any humans though, right?"

"Other than the Champion, no." Keith blinked at Pidge's sudden scowl. "What'd I say now?"

"Don't call Shiro that! He hates that stupid title." Pidge dropped her legs and crossed her arms at him. "Did you actually kill everyone you faced?"

"I had to? I was a gladiator?" Keith was seriously confused now. What was so wrong with what he did? It wasn't like he'd done anything wrong. They were just slaves.

"Fuck," Pidge breathed out, and suddenly she was standing and grabbed his arm. She pulled him to his feet, Keith confused as to what was going on. "If that Arusian had actually fought you, you would have killed him, right? Damn it."

"Okay, what the quiznak is going on? You're acting like I did something wrong."

Pidge didn't reply, instead dragging Keith with her down to the paladin quarters. "I can't believe he was right," she muttered, causing Keith to grow even more confused. Who was right, and right about what?

He hadn't realized he'd been dragged to Lance's door before Pidge had banged on it and Lance answered with that ridiculous goop on his face. The teen just looked from Pidge to Keith in confusion before he shook his head. "Okay, what gives? It's like two AM or something."

"Lance, you and I _both_ know it's not that late." Pidge shoved Keith forward, causing the Galra to blink and stare back at Pidge in confusion. "You're going to talk to Keith here and tell him why it's a _bad_ idea to go around killing everyone."

"I don't kill everyone!" Keith protested.

Lance however just stared at him and groaned. "You mean I wasn't exaggerating when I called him a homicidal maniac?"

Keith could feel a headache starting up. "I'm _not_ a homicidal maniac! Why are you both assuming that I'm going to kill everyone we come across?"

"Because you literally just spouted off some Galra propaganda at me while we were talking?" Pidge crossed her arms and stared at Keith. "Victory or death. You just told me that and admitted to killing people in the pits. No offence, but that's pretty messed up."

Lance groaned and stepped aside. "Okay, come on in. Might as well give him a humanity lesson while I'm still awake." Inside looked pretty much like Keith's own quarters, though there seemed to be numerous bottles set up on the table. Lance waited for Pidge to come in as well before he shut the door, crossing to take a seat on his bed. "Okay, so just to recap, what the heck started this up?"

Keith rolled his eyes. "We were talking, and she asked me what I used to do when I was with the Galra. I told her and she's blowing this completely out of proportion."

"Which was?"

Keith sighed and sat in the chair by the table. "I was a gladiator, same as Ch-Shiro, and I had to fight to survive in the pits. _Which_ ," he looked at Pidge directly for this part, "if I hadn't killed my opponents, I would be dead right now or tortured. I didn't want either to happen."

Lance rubbed his temple, sighing. "Wow. Okay. So you did it to survive. Did you do it after you escaped?"

Keith snorted. "No. I started hanging around the Champion more after he defeated me and I started having trouble dealing the final blow. Since I escaped, I haven't been able to."

Lance seemed to brighten and Pidge sighed in relief. "Well, that's a good thing then!" she said brightly. "That just means that you don't have any desire to do something like that."

Keith shook his head. "No, it just makes me weak."

Lance groaned. "How does not killing things make you weak?"

"It does because it means that I'm not strong." How was Keith going to be able to explain this? Sighing, he raked a hand through his hair. "In Galra culture, you're measured on how well you can protect what you have. If I hadn't killed, I would have been viewed as weak and therefore easily expendable." He let off a frustrated noise as he let his hand drop. "It's been that way for thousands of years."

Suddenly Pidge's eyes widened and she sat up straighter. "Wait, is that why Shiro had a lot of respect and my brother was safe from the pits?"

Lance caught on as well, and he narrowed his eyes at Keith. "What did you have to protect? I mean, you never mention your parents at all, so were you trying to protect them?"

Pidge groaned and covered her face while Keith gave Lance a sharp look. "My parents are dead. My dad died at least a decafeeb ago, and my mom wasn't much later than that." He crossed his arms, his attention now on Pidge instead of Lance. "And I can't say for sure about Shiro, but I think that's probably why. I never heard of any humans in the pits besides him."

Lance blinked. "What's a decafeeb?"

Pidge rolled her eyes. "Unimportant right now Lance." She then looked at Keith. "So literally all you're saying is that you haven't been able to kill anyone since leaving the Galra, and then only when you were in gladiator fights."

Lance rubbed his forehead. "Which means he's probably not going to go on a killing spree anytime soon."

Keith huffed. "Isn't that what I've been saying? I mean, more than likely if I have to kill again, it'd be because you guys were in trouble."

Pidge shared a look with Lance before she spoke. "You actually think of us as important enough to protect?"

Keith nodded. "Well, I mean, you're humans. Galra are pretty much a warrior race. It wouldn't make sense if I didn't try to protect you."

Pidge sat for a moment, digesting the news as Lance snorted. "You do realize we're perfectly capable of defending ourselves, right?"

"I didn't say you weren't?"

Pidge interjected before the argument could escalate. "Okay, so before this devolves into a dick-sizing contest, I guess everything's cool about Keith's previous actions. Well, as long as he doesn't become an axe-murderer on us."

"I'm still trying to figure out what kind of contest measuring dicks happens to be." Keith admittedly couldn't banish the idea of him and Lance pulling out their respective penises to compare the sizes of each.

Lance groaned. "It's a saying, Keith. You don't have to think too hard on it. It just means that we're trying to outman each other."

Pidge coughed, her face turning bright pink. "Before this lovely conversation continues, I think I'm going to get going. I still need to work on some upgrades to Green."

"And I was trying to sleep," Lance complained. "So go, shoo! I need my beauty sleep."

As they left the room, Keith looked over to Pidge in confusion. "Are you sure that he's a male? He could be missing that part of his anatomy."

"I heard that!"

* * *

 _Because I know I'm slow in updating stories, I figured on making a tumblr blog for it. You can ask questions, get updates, or just generally talk fandoms. Just hit me up at charbonnes-writing-sanctuary._


End file.
